A dear friend just sent this to me...worth sharing...

Circle of Influence

"We become the combined average of the FIVE people we associate with most."

Look at your own life and see how true this statement is. The five people you associate with most likely reflect your bank account, health, career choices, self-esteem, habits (good and bad), interests, quality of conversation, values and goals. When you compare yourself to them, are you setting the standard, keeping the status quo or the pulling the average down? Do you LOVE spending time with the people in your life or do tolerate the experience? Or is it somewhere in between?

At the time, I took inventory in my own life and wrote down the names of the individuals I was spending the most time with. Then, I asked the hard question, "What are the people in my life doing to me?"

People are either pulling you up, pulling you down, or keeping you comfortably in neutral.

For me back then, I realized that "upgrading" my circle of influence was in my best interest. I made a list of 10 people that I would like to spend more time with, and made the conscious decision to spend more time with those individuals I admired, respected and wanted to be most like. Simultaneously, I limited or eliminated my time with those who weren't really adding much to my life aside from companionship, gossiping and partying it up.

It's fun to look back and see that several of the people I admired and respected most, have indeed become good friends that now consider me their equal.

More than the conscious decision to go "friend" or "mentor" hunting is the AWARENESS about your circle of influence. Just being present to the impact someone has on your state of being is powerful.

Check in with your own life. Who are the five people you associate with most? Who are the ten people you associate with most? Write it down. For simplicity, determine which of the following categories describe those in your circle of influence. While everyone can dance in each of these modes at time, notice which one or two are the overriding.

1. Energy Draining - These are the people who deplete or drain your energy.
They complain, whine, criticize, blame, use sarcasm, condemn, gossip and otherwise focus on the bleaker view of life. They are pessimistic. When you spend time with them, you notice the heaviness of their presence, and instantly feel better when you walk away. These people may be coming to you with their stories and challenges, seeking your support and input. These people aren't about bringing you joy and happiness, or adding anything but a dark perspective on life.

SUGGESTIONS: I personally like to limit my time with people who fall in this category. However, these people are great mirrors for embracing your shadow or dark side. Byron Katie's work on "Loving What Is" is particularly useful here

2. Energy Comforting - These people are likely your friends, peers or possibly family members. They are a lot like you, and share similar values and interests. You enjoy being with them, and feel better by being around them. We all love having people in our lives that bring comfort, acknowledgment, sharing and understanding.
The pitfall or trap to beware of here is the word "comfort". This group is likely to keep you anchored to bad habits, disempowering stories and limiting beliefs that may hold you back. Part of how you relate with each other may be through sharing similar problems and challenges. The relationship may feel less engaging without a problem to discuss or solve, so problems continue to emerge and cycle. If one of you leaps too far ahead, the relationship may be threatened. While you may share dreams and goals with each other, there is a tendency to stay "comfortable" with no one moving too far ahead. Keeping the status quo is the name of the game.

3. Energy Empowering - This group of people may also be your friends, but there is a distinct difference as their impact challenges you beyond your "comfort zone". This group may include mentors, authors, leaders, business associates or those deemed wildly successful. This group sets the example of what you aspire to emulate. They may have a life that you admire, respect or are striving for. They are an example of possibility to you. They inspire, empower, lead and challenge you to grow. They may believe more in you than you do in yourself, and encourage you to live your highest potential. These people aren't always the "easiest" to be around because their nature demands the best from you. While challenging, these relationships fulfill the need you have to evolve, accelerating growth, success and fulfillment. Their presence is so potent, that even short time periods are often very influential.

SUGGESTIONS: Consciously seek out more of these individuals out and spend time with them. Ask them questions. Pay attention to their habits, values, beliefs and state of being. See yourself as their peer. Look for ways that you can contribute value to them.

Circle of Friends

Circle of Friends

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your partner. Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as
you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
Another, 'Let's fight together,'
Another, 'Let's walk away together.'

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of
confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with
their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .
Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it's wrapped up in several..

One from 7th grade, One from high school,

Several from the college years, a couple from old jobs,

On some days your mother, On some days your neighbor, On others, your sisters,

And on some days, your daughters.

I got this poem from a friend in my mail recently . Like most people I too thought of names that would be appropriate against each line. Some lines had even more than one name against them. It is really strange how we automatically categorize friends. And their roles rarely are swapped. May be we do not want to upset the 'balance of friends'.

Gone are the days when a person had only one or two friends (with whom we did all the above). Nowadays a person's popularity is judged by the number of friends he/she has! You have to have long list of contacts in your phone book, on your email, and especially on the social networking sites if you want to come across as a social and friendly person... what a myth!!! Don't you think so?

Friends last only when we work on this relationship as we work on other close relationships. That's when an ordinary friend becomes special... and we can put that name against many lines of the poem.

Colour Grey

A lot of people I know have clear distinctions - black or white... things are either good or bad, people are either friendly or not friendly, situations are in control or they are not and so on. I can not say I have never been there myself. But it is in the grey zone I would like to be.

This acceptance to the fact that nothing is really completely perfect or completely imperfect is important to understand myself, my beliefs, values as these are critical filters through which I make sense of the world around me with all its seemingly colourful shades but with grey being always the dominant one.

This blog does not have a theme. It is just my space to write about random but important thoughts.